Computer Humor

[Lilliputt]

Aww... only shows that we is related, da Jenni

Uh, I dunno if it has been posted. I can't see a pic in the link

[jenni.p123]

hmm..i could see it

anyway i will save the pic and post it

[Lilliputt]

ROFL! That is funny!!

[cant touch this]

Lol

Heres a thread for any comedians out there!
Post a joke and share a laugh or two!

here are some funny computer jokes i found



You Might Be An Internet Addict If...

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.

Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.

You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

Your dog has its own home page.

You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.

You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.

You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."

You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.

The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

[EscapeGirl]

ROFL!!

[Lilliputt]

WHAT?! Shoes enhances the impression of a computer ()

[jenni.p123]

LOL ESCAPE!!

[Eternal Becky]

Good one Escape. I like the last one

[ATTACH]7278[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH]7279[/ATTACH]

[Lilliputt]

That is so funny, Becky!

[ShiningStar]

nice ones Escape and Becky!!

[Mistery]

ROFL Escape and Becky



True story from a Novell NetWire Sys0p:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.

How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

[Lilliputt]

Uhm... well, that story is as classic as the "press any key" story

Here a few other ones though :
* Tech Support: "Try restarting your computer."
* Customer: "...Ummm, I don't think my computer can do that."

************************************************** ********

Our Hong Kong office had a computer that was infected with a virus. Supposedly they had run antivirus software several times and had been unable to clean it, even after updating their virus definitions. I was asked to diagnose and fix the computer immediately, because it wouldn't even turn on.

* Me: "Sure thing. When do you want me to fly over?"
* Him: "Can't you do it from there?"
* Me: "Sure, just ship it to me."
* Him: "No, I mean can't you just fix it here, from there?"
* Me: "Uh...how exactly would you like me to do that?"
* Him: "I don't know. You're the expert!"

[doglover]

All so funny! LOL

[Lilliputt]

I just found one of my fav ones:

"I'm working as a tech support person at a Finnish newspaper printing and
publication house, and we have several reporters that submit their files
via a dial-in modem line directly to our layout system. Once one of the
reporters wanted to call the tech support because the modem wasn't
answering his calls, but the call was answered by a computer illiterate.
Reporter: "It seems that...eh, modem's out again." Computer Illiterate:
"Oh, just a minute. I'll go look for him." He proceeded to page the
whole company through the central P.A. system. Computer Illiterate: "Mr.
Modem, Mr. Modem, there's a call for you." My co-worker intercepts,
trying hard to keep a straight face.
Co-Worker: "Mr. Modem is on vacation. He won't be back till August." The
computer illiterate returns to the phone and tells the reporter that our
modem is on vacation till August."

[Mistery]

For all the computer neards:

WRITE IN C

(sung to The Beatles "Let it Be")

When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."

As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers"
"Write in C."

Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, write in C.
LISP is dead and buried,
Write in C.

I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
for science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.

If you've just spent nearly 30 hours
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.

Write in C, write in C,
Write In C, yeah, write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC.
Write in C. Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, oh, write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.

Guitar Solo

Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Don't even mention COBOL.
Write in C.

And when the screen is fuzzy,
And the edior is bugging me.
I'm sick of ones and zeroes.
Write in C.

A thousand people people swear that T.P.
Seven is the one for me.
I hate the word PROCEDURE,
Write in C.

Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
PL1 is 80's,
Write in C.

Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
The government loves ADA,
Write in C.


Another Glitch in the Call

(Sung to the tune of a well known Pink Floyd song...)

We don't need no indirection
We don't need no flow control
No data typing or declarations
Did you leave the lists alone? Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! Chorus:
All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.
All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.


Microsoft source code:

#include <windows.h>
#include <system_errors.h>
#include <stdlib.h>

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

main()
{
    if (detect_cache())
        disable_cache();

    if (fast_cpu())
        set_wait_states(lots);

    set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
    set_mouse(action, jumpy);
    set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);

    printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right \
        or just call it Chicargo)\n");

    if (system_ok())
        crash(to_dos_prompt);
    else
        system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

    while(1) {
        sleep(5);
        get_user_input();
        sleep(5);
        act_on_user_input();
        sleep(5);
        if (rand() < 0.9)
            crash(complete_system);
    }

return(unrecoverable_system);