Jokes

[EscapeGirl]

So true and funny!

[humphryboop]

Sameeeeeeeeeee

[Jones]

Hurricane Wilma didn't sound very threatening; it knocked our power out for 17 days.
It's true though. Most of those names don't sound like they'll be causing you harm.

[RBS]

I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive - Steven Wright

[humphryboop]

xD that is funny

[RBS]

Counting Goats

Who says today's kids aren't smart? At a high school in Montana a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let 3 goats loose in the school. Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats..1-2-4. Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3

[New1000]

I got 2:
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher goes "Spit out that gum!" and a train goes "chew, chew, chew."
and
Three tourists were driving along the highway, trying to get to Disneyland. they saw a sign that read "Disneyland Left", so they all went home!

[SimplyCrazy]

About Norwegians and what cold is

I really think this is incredibly funny, even if it's not entirely true
(It's not far from


+15°C / 59°F

This is as warm as it gets in Norway, so we’ll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Norwegians are out in the sun, getting a tan.


+10°C / 50°F

The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Norwegians plant flowers in their gardens.


+5°C / 41°F

Italian cars won’t start.
The Norwegians are cruising in cabriolets.


0°C / 32°F

Distilled water freezes.
The water in Oslo Fjord gets a little thicker.


-5°C / 23°F

People in California almost freeze to death.
The Norwegians have their final barbeque before winter.


-10°C / 14°F

The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Norwegians start using long sleeves.


-20°C / -4°F

The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Norwegians end their Midsummer celebrations.
Autumn is here.


-30°C / -22°F

People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Norwegians start drying their laundry indoors.


-40°C / -40°F

Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Norwegians stand in line at the hotdog stands.


-50°C / -58°F

Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Norwegian army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.


-70°C / -94°F

The false Santa moves south.
The Norwegian army goes out on winter survival training.


-183°C / -297.4°F

Microbes in food don’t survive.
The Norwegian cows complain that the farmers’ hands are cold.


-273°C / -459.4°F

ALL atom-based movent halts.
The Norwegians start saying "Faen, it’s cold outside today."

[funja]

10 random things i thought up at two in the morning


1.How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered

2.Why does a round pizza come in a square box

3.Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp

4.If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid, DIPPY song about him

5.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from

6.

Does the
Alphabet song
and
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?
7.
Why ON EARTH did you just try singing OR HUMMING the two songs above?

8.Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window

9.If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner

10.If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a SMALL hole in a boat

[New1000]

I made this:

[Jones]

Do you know what they say?

[funja]

no what

[Strongbull]

I got two
A guy walks in to a bar and asks for a drink, another guy walks in to a bar and says ouch.

Why did the duck hate his mail?

it was all BILL'S

what do ducks name they'r sons

Bill

[Jones]

no what

All toasters TOAST TOAST!!!

[funja]

no they dont all toaster toast bread and make toast