Jokes

[OneBun]

Cure for Depression:

A cure for depression. At least it cures me of having a bad day when I watch this one!

http://www.joecartoon.com/pages/wedgemaster_anim

Okay, I know I'm on a Psychology run with the jokes here... I can't help it! It's my life!

[Cyber Girl]

hahahaha that was so funny onebun im laughing so much im gona fall of my chair, ouch to late hahahha.

I'm Tired.Yes, I'm tired. For several years I've been blaming it on middle age , poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under arm odour, yellow wax build up and another dozen maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.

But I found out it ain't that.

I'm tired because I am overworked.

The population of this country is 51 million.

21 million are retired,

that leaves 30 million to do the work.

There are 19 million at school,

That leaves 11 million to do the work.

2 million are unemployed and 4 million are employed by the government,

That leaves 5 million to do the work.

1 million are in the armed forces, which leaves 4 million to do the work.

3 million are employed by the County and Borough Councils leaving 1 million to do the work.

There are 620,000 people in hospital and 379,998 in the prisons,

Which leaves 2 people to do the work.

You and me .

And you're sitting on your arse reading this,

No wonder I'm bloody tired.

[Jellybean]

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

now ....

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day
he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept
over, and two claimed that he was still there.

[Eternal Becky]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

[Jellybean]

lmao! good one, so true.

[GamersHood]

lol, where's #9

[rosiemay05]

i actually did number 14!!! lmao, these jokes are great guys, thnx,

not a joke just a funny clip
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=16683y clip

[Jellybean]

Man of the House:
The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his
wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you
to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.

And when I'm finished with my bath , guess who's going to dress me and comb my
hair?"

His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess"!
==============================================
>> GOOD
>>
>> Madison, WI policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
>> wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the proble! m - a 12-year-old boy
>> was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR
>> TRAP AHEAD". The officer also found the boy had an
>> accomplice who was a bit further down the road with a sign reading
>> "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
>>
>>
>> BETTER
>>
>> A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated
>> radar post in La Crosse, WI. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being
>> cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police
>> responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
>>
>>
>> BEST
>>
>> A Young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Wisconsin State Trooper
>> walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I
>> bet you are going to sell! me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball. "He
>> replied, "Wisconsin State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment
>> of silence. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and
>> left.

[OneBun]

Your "good, better, best" was really good. They gave me a good laugh! lol Thanx!

[Cyber Girl]

hahahah good one jellybean i especiall liked the man of the house one

Two women friends, incredibly drunk and walking home got caught short.
They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their
business behind a head stone or something. One of them had nothing to wipe with
so she thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw them
away.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and
didn't want to ruin hers but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a
wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with
that. They then made off for home. The next day one woman's husband
phoned the other husband and said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives you
know, mine came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing" said
the other "Mine came back with a card stuck between her ass that said 'From
all the lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you'."

[Eternal Becky]

Don't ever cheat because the government hates competition.

[OneBun]

Don't ever cheat because the government hates competition.

lol! That's the truth... especially in America!

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

[Jellybean]

rosiemay, i like your avatar's stars. i just got a tattoo with stars like that with a lion head a couple of cherry blossoms

[rosiemay05]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said "For best results, put on two coats."

oh cool jellybean, i got a rose bud on back of my shoulder for my b'day last year, i want to get a nice butterfly on my lower back, but cant seem to find a really nice one, might find one for my b'day this year! lol

[Jellybean]

oh cool jellybean, i got a rose bud on back of my shoulder for my b'day last year, i want to get a nice butterfly on my lower back, but cant seem to find a really nice one, might find one for my b'day this year! lol

you should try and look for designs on the internet, there's some good artwork at http://www.deviantart.com/ i don't really like to copy other peoples work so i find a picture i really like and draw something similar to it. i've got 13 tattoos and searching to find another one, a nice looking buffalo/bison with yellow clouds; to honor my husband.