Jokes

[cheryl21]

My appologies Mistery I did not realize. I will read up more on the rules

[zillah0625]

lol..I can't stop laughing!!!!

[sarathy]

CHINESE PROVERBS

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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch hiney should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Ha ha these proverbs actually make a lot of sense.

[Jcatzl101]

that was funny!

[sarathy]

Seeing as i love to laugh (it really is the best medicine!), i thought we could use a joke section on Gamershood. So please post anything you think will make everyone laugh! Whether it's a rude joke, knock knock, anything!
Ok i got one....

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room when he says to her:
'Just so you know , I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, pull the plug.'
His wife nods understandingly , then promptly gets up, unplugs the TV and throws out all his beer.

Ha ha ha. That was a good one.

[Themolestarted]

Q. why did the chicken cross the road
A. Screeeeecccchhhhh SPLAT We shall never know
Wait OI got another one a chineise bin man goes to a house and cant find the wheely bins so he knocks on the door and says wheres ya bins the man says I've been making a sandwith and the the bin man says no, wheres ya whelly bins the man says I told you I'm making a sandwich. Then the bin man says no wheres ya wheely bins and the man says well realy I've just been on the loo.
Sorry I know it was rude I keep forgeting not to be rude here
Il try to remember not to do it again
I'll post a good clean joke
knock knock
whos there
amanda
amanda who
amandatwantstocomeinnow

[Brimful-Asha]

Heres My Contribution

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"heck it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

[Mcakkay]

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a primary school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy". So the illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy." No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al. "That's what we would call a great loss. " The room goes silent. No other children volunteered.

Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises
his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy." Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!!!

[ravenclawrulez]

OK, here's my joke, hope you like it.

An old couple moved into a new town. They kept forgetting things, so they went to the local doctor.
"Doctor, we keep forgetting things." say the old couple.
"Well," replied the doctor, "okay. I have an idea. Maybe you could write things down so you can remember."
"Thanks Doctor!"
So they carried on doing this, as it worked.
Then, one day, the old wife says to the old man, "Can you make me some ice-cream?"
And the old man replies, "Yes."
"Vanilla, with some chocolate topping?"
"Yes."
"And a cherry on top?"
"YES!"
"Don't you think you should write it down?" asks the old woman.
"No, I can remember it."
"Okay, fine by me."
After a while, the old man comes back with a plate of scrambled eggs.
"Here you go."
But the old woman says, "Where's my toast?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's one of my favourites.
Well, hope you like it.

[gh1]

10 Things not 2 say on your anniversary
10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

[Jones]

Say to someone, "There are only ten kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary code, and those who don't." (For those who don't know: 10 is 2 in binary code)

[maureen.clayton]

hehe this was a vid i seen

the Jones family was forgetful

little Johnny was on his playstation and his friends came over "want to play?" "yes" johnny said but he left the door open the tv and play station got robbed isnt he forgetful

mrs. Jones was running a bath when he soap oprea came on and the bath over flowed ist she forgetful

mr. jones was cooking dinner while his footy came on he ran off and the house set on fire isnt he forgetful

so they when on a trip in the car and "forgot" to put on seatbelts! CRASSHHHH they was bleeding awfully and a man said "aint they forgetful" lol

[RBS]

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!

[old biker]

a couple just married .first morning after the weddingnight the guy brings in the morning a plate with toast ,fresh orangejuice ,coffee ,jam ,cheese etc and a newspaper to his wife .the wife gets up in bed and he places the plate on her lap.she looks at him and give him a "very in love " look.
so the guy says ,you see this ?
well ...this is what i want you to bring me,every morning from now on

[RBS]

Who is the one naming hurricanes?

They somehow manage to give them the least threatening names ever.

If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Erin was coming I'd think to myself, "Erin? I could take her."

If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Headsmasher was approaching, I'd grab all the money in the house, shove it in my pockets, and get the heck out of there.