Jokes

[Jellybean]

yeah, i got bored with just one avatar so i change them every couple days

[Hollandgirl]

great idea, i might as well try to do that

[Jellybean]

fun things to do

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on
And point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If
They Want Fries with That.


4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has
Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling
Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play
Tropical sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party
Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,
Yelling
"Run For Your Lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We
Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

[Hollandgirl]

hahahaahahaa they're sooo funnyy!!! i'm gonna do number 3 !! i love it

[Jess]

lol, lol, lol, lol, lol!!!!!!

1. Put big red round dots all over your self and tell everyone that you broke out with a new disease called exphildeniabitranasinea (or whatever combination of letters and numbers you come up with).

2. Say that last night a guy that was painted bright red with neon orange spots come into your room and talked to you while he stole your homework.

3. When your alarm ring shoot it and when your late say that you were fighting with raging beasts.

4. That due to an allergy to teachers, it is unhealthy for you to attend school until you are 30.

5. That you are due to die tomorrow and what to spend the last day of your life in perfect happiness

6. Every time your Mom calls you down to get ready respond with shouts, moans and groans of pain

7. Break out in hysterical laughter sing "I Love to Laugh" with all your might.

8. Steall all the sheets in the house, tie them together and use them to escape out your window, leaving a note on your bed that says "Unfortunately, due to absence, I will be unable to attend school. Please do not send out search parties I'll be home for summer break."

9. Claim that since you went to school last year, it is time for a break.

10. Stare at every one and do nothing

[Cyber Girl]

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello." "Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle, "ME."

[Hollandgirl]

hahahahaaa that's a funny one

[Sarah1210]

MasterCard Wedding -- You gotta love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at

It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.

He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had got suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, '<<deleted>> you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, <<deleted>> you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends.....................................$32,00 0.
Wedding photographs commemorating the
affair............................................ .................$3,00
0
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in <st1:place>Maui</st1:place>........................................ .....
.....$8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard.

[Jimmy]

wots green and goes backwards???

*BIG SNIFF*

[Darknight]

Why did piglet go down the toilet?
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To find pooh!

[doglover]

Haha...lol

[Darknight]

How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to change a light bulb?
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LETS RIDE BIKES!!

[Darknight]

two men walk in to a bar which is funny because when the first guy hit it the secind guy should have seen it.

[wirodeu]

Lol!

[Darknight]

Where would you go if your going to die?
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The Living Room
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..What would you eat?
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Life Savers.