The "Let it out" Thread

[SimplyCrazy]

Thanks, Crim It means alot!

It's just a really dificoult situation... Sometimes I blame myself for sticking with him for so long, some times I blame my mother for the same thing... I just wish we'd seen the sociopathic signs before we did... I've tried going to a psychologist for a while, but for me it's become more of a duty than actual help, so I don't think I'm going to continue...

I don't like talking to my mother anymore... I don't know why, I just feel uncomfortable if I'm near her for too long. Wow, this is the first time I've realized I have problems talking to my mother aswell... And I thought I had a great relationship with her...

And my 'father', (I don't like to call him that... ) is getting married in two days! He's starting a new family AGAIN! He has two ex-wifes and five children, and my older brother is the only one who's still on ok terms with him, tho he's sick of the way he acts too... And his poor wife to be... She has no idea what she's getting herself into!

I seriously feel I have nothing left... Last year I went to school for two weeks in total... I barely have any close friends, and even the ones I have I seem to push away... I don't fully trust anyone! I always go around with 'everybody hates me'-thoughts and think people badmouth me the second I leave a room... As for my life and future.. If I succeed with a singing carreer he's gonna follow me around on all my concerts(I know, cos he did that to my sister who's an opera singer) and take full credit for my success, while if I don't succeed it'll be my mother's fault, like everything else... He can't take responsibility for anything!

And I have all these feelings inside me; Shame because I'm whining about these problems that are nothing compared to Someguy's, hate for my father and myself, anger for letting him still 'own' my life like this, grief over losing the father I never really had and discouraged for after nearly 10 years of anger and depression I still don't allow myself to ever be happy. Is it supposed to be this hard?

EDIT:
Yeh, Nin... I know... It's just really hard

[funja]

that is so sad simply but everyone has to move on at somepoint

[Crimsonthread]

Aww, Simply... I'm so sorry. It's very hard to come to be at peace in such hard situations. I was lucky enough to have my parents stay married and happy my whole life, but I know that's not true for so many people. Many of my students come from divorced homes, which is hard enough, but I can't imagine being in your situation. You have every right to be upset about it. Can you talk to your mom about your feelings? You may want to ask her about getting family counciling, with or without him, to help your family deal with the situation. All I can offer is a long distance . If you want to talk, I'm here.

[SimplyCrazy]

I can't sleep... I don't know exactly why, maybe it's just stress or something.
My last resort when I can't sleep is to take a walk past my father's house, and so I did tonight aswell... I knew he wasn't home, cos my brother told me, so I was a little less nervous of going into the garden and looking around.
It's just wells up so many memories... Memories that should be happy, but aren't at all! It's just so unfair that I had to be pushed out of my home like that. It was MY home! I don't want to live anywhere else, but I can't live there. And I know I should have had my peace with it by now and that there's nothing I can do about it, but I still can't totally settle anywhere else, and it hurts! It hurts when I remember little details I'd forgot, like the paint on the old cupboard or the plates we only used at Christmas.
And every time I go there I just feel like going crazy and throw rocks at his windows and chop down all his precious trees! But in the end I settle with stomping on a few of his flowers before walking away in tears... His garden was always much more important than me...
I know it doesn't sound too bad, but it's my whole life... He ruined my whole life by being the father he was, and I have nothing left!

EDIT:
Big to Funja and Sum! Things aren't easy for any of us, I think...

[funja]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Pp38SR1lMUsrry thought it might help srry
well try this one it makes me alittle sad but it also cheers me up when i am sad it has a lot of parts i can relate to so maybe it does for you to

For one, I hate eminem.
Two, this song makes me mad.

This song has no effect on me. I want to punch a hole through my computer.

[funja]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWgEcOLYzXUlisten to this song someguy everytime i get sad or depressed it makes me think things could always be worse and that its not so bad. Listen to the words

[humphryboop]

omg :/
Now i feel even worse ):
Only my grandma died in my entire family...
btw, your birthday is a day after mine o:

14
I'll be 15 in 9 days.

[humphryboop]

I feel bad for ya, someguy :/
May I ask how old you are? o:

I would love to if someone would listen.
My friends don't understand. There aren't really any adults I can talk to, and a psychiatrist isn't in the budget right now.

Sorry, but I think I'll stay where I am right now.

[Crimsonthread]

Talk to someone. That's what you should do. Whether it's a friend, a parent, or a phsyciatrist, talk.

...I think you should follow your own advice, Someguy.

I can relate to that.
My grandpa died from sclerosis of the liver and my granma died from lung cancer. Then my Uncle died from heart cancer. All in the period of two months.

And I did everything you shouldn't do. I had moved to a different county at the time. I withdrew from everyone. I kept my feeling locked up inside. I lashed out at everyone over the smallest things. I lost my friends and the respect of my teachers. My grades went from A's and B's to D's and F's.
Talk to someone. That's what you should do. Whether it's a friend, a parent, or a phsyciatrist, talk.

[funja]

omg someguy that is just terrible i now things can seem bad at times read my previous post but you just have to do what you can to help and find another way to releive stress i went in the woods that always calms me down and gets rid of anxiety

I just lashed out.
Stress in my everyday life. I'm taking care of my brother 5 days a week. I'm making sure this kid is alright throughout the day. I prepare meals, entertain him, and everything. My parent are working two full time jobs, plus they can be real <<removed by moderation>> at the end of the day.
We are on the verge of bankrupcy. We have hardly any money, and are very far in debt.
Many more things made me lash out too.
I punched the wall. That is my way of getting rid of my stress. But this time, I wasn't me. I usually only punch the wall, once, maybe twice.
I punched a lot. There is a huge hole in the wall, and my knuckles are pouring blood.
After I did that I proceeded to scream every swear word I could think of at the top of my lungs.
I need help.