A new book

[Gracie]

Your first description page

Hey Geordieboy,
Well, I think its a great story..I do think you went on too much about describing this epidemic/virus in the first page..It took a lot of reading before we knew it was an epidemic/virus,especially when you told us its a short story. We had to read through your second paragraph for a very long time before we knew what was going on.You had some great descriptions to get us interested and to want to just keep on reading, but a bit too many. Its kind of like you were trying to build us (the reader up to much). You already had us interested.

Just my opinion. You ask for some constructive criticism. I think your wonderful at writing stories and you should turn it into a full book. Great job Geordieboy!

[Justeazy]

Hmmm... great constructive criticism Gracie!
You're not afraid to voice your oponion!

[Clank]

Yeah Gracie Thanks it is nice to have an honest opinion gotta go

[Clank]

If anyone has any ideas on the next story please let me know, your views are taken deeply into consideration

[Clank]

This is the last post in this page after this post the first chapter of my new story will be posted

[Emo234]

Pretty good start,a lil confusing,but good

[Justeazy]

Hmmm... don't know what's going on...
Is this a sequel to the first book, or a completely new one?

Also, I think it should be "bottle of water in the desert" not chocolate, as water is better, plus chocolate would melt really fast,

[Emo234]

@justeasy-this is a compleatly new book,at least that is what geordieboy told me

[LovelyUndeadVam]

oooooooo, sounds like a thriller.

[Chocbubbles]

i liked the first paragraph but i got a little bit confused near the end, cause it was talking about a girl and her funeral and then it was suddenly a car chase.

[Clank]

Ok thanks for your comments, and i will give you a little hint to whats going on.

In this story there are two parts to it, the first is the funeral bit and the second is the assassin bit- so i will pt the funeral text in red and the assassin text in normal

[Clank]

Hey everyone i have writers block ----LOLOLOL-- and i dont know where to go with myu second story so i will post another one shortly

[Clank]

The Phantoms 2: The Darkness Beneath

Are you ready? It's the next story of--

WARNING- THE STORY MAY SCARE YOUNG READERS

The Phantoms 2: The Darkness Beneath

Chapter 1

‘Hi I am Ebony and I’m here to kill you’.


I gazed out the window into the endearing sunlight, it was bright, it was nice, it was comforting. I saw the birds hunting around the park for the small scraps of food. I sat peering into the transfixing flames, as they blazed across the room, out of the door and into the tall shrubs, into the beckoning wildlife like a lily white dove escaping from the clutches of a cave. I saw a child ride up the path on his bike, he rang the bell on the handlebars and 3 more children followed him. I sporadically picked up my cup and sipped miniscule amounts of my piping hot tea.

You called me Drew; Drew Ebony actually. I was an inventor, a professor at Oxford University; I had degrees, lots of them, I was powerful… and rich which is an adorable combination. I was amazing, it was a fact, not an opinion, I was great, I didn’t care what anyone said.

To tell the truth I have a plan, a very cunning plan, so vivid, so tempting, so fixating, with the touch of brilliance. You wait and see my dear friends, it is a plan that could change the world, change the factual future, you see what I wanted I couldn’t get at the moment, I had to make something happen, something so clever, so evil, so delicate. I had to create the one thing that the world is lacking, the one thing that is life’s greatest mystery and that my dear friend is…


The cure for cancer.

[Clank]

So..... What does every1 think of it

[LovelyUndeadVam]

!! DREW EBONY'S POV?!?! yay! i was wondering what he was thinking!